Quest for the Golden Latrine - Episode I

Aaah, it feels good, no, GREAT to write again. Last month was..."interesting" to say the least. Much has happened and i will definitely get to that. It was one of the weirdest months of my life. For now, i need to regain all of my faculties, my cool and composure. Hell, i need a vacation. Not going to happen though...While we're on the subject of vacations. I remember one certain trip to the far East where I had an adventure of a life time. It's full of suspense, terror and action. It would make Steven Spielberg proud. Without further ado...I give you: 

cooked up a quick, crappy pic for this post... 

The Netherlands, 1991. 

My family and me were boarding the big 747. People were finding their seats, hauling an impossible amount of hand-luggage and somewhere in front of me a couple of people started  to have an argument. This does not bode well, I thought to myself. I get seated next to my sister. “Damn, she's going to talk my head off”...and she did. All about the ways and woes of Brendan, Brenda, Dylan, poor Andrea and the rest of the pretty teenagers of 90210. I was tired of listening to it. 

My sister got a little mad about the way i disregarded her stories and tried to get back at me. "Am i boring you?" "Most definitely" i said. Her eyes turned white hot. "You know what? I'm going to keep talking. I'll make sure you won't get any sleep". Keeping it in style with a certain adventurer, I replied with “Oh, yeah....” and slid my baseball cap over my eyes (If you don't get this, watch Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Oh, and shame on you've never seen the film). I swallowed and felt a sharp pain in my throat. I sat up straight in my seat and asked my mother and two sisters, “Does anyone of you have any cough drops ?” 

Tunisia. 

They didn't have any on them. The airco on the plane did its wonders on my throat. So, when we finally arrived at the hotel it was mid day already. By that time, my throat felt like sandpaper. I'll sleep it off, tomorrow I’ll feel better...or so I thought. 

The next morning I get woken up by the Koran. They play it on loudspeaker so the whole city of Tunis can hear it. At this point I feel and look like Bub, from Day of the dead. This is day one of a three week vacation. As the week goes by my condition gets worse and worse. It's time to call the doctor. I could not breath well. 

This doctor came straight out of an Indiana Jones film, he was little, balding and had these old style, round shaped glasses on. A little nervous, the Arabian version of Woody Allen. He did some tests on me, told my mother where to go for “a treatment”. He gave her a prescription. Great time to get some medicine! 

The taxi ride to this pharmacy was excruciating. We got to this place that looked like a bar. Oh, boy...is this the pharmacy? My mother talks to the guy in charge and gives him the little piece of paper. “Alright, this way my friend” the kind fellow says and took me to this dark little room. I didn't really feel comfortable and had no idea what was going to happen. What medicine will I get? 

Than the door swings open. Another George Lucas moment. A big man, his graying hair neatly groomed and naturally, he's wearing the “villain” glasses. “Do you speak English my friend?” Since I have little to no voice I just nod a “yes”. “Good, good. Please stand over there”. With his hand he gestures me toward a gurney. I go over there and he turns around, his back facing me and opens a drawer. I hear all of these metallic clanking sounds. Then he turns around and he's holding the biggest syringe I have ever seen! 

I hold out my arm and the pharmacist shakes his head. “No, no my friend...You must pull down your pants”. He walks toward me and smiles. The huge needle glints... 

How will Johnny Madrid, get out of this predicament? Will he get cured? Is he going to escape the clutches of the maniac pharmacist or will he meet his demise.... 

Do not miss the stunning conclusion of Johnny Madrid and the quest for the Golden latrine!