You probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Well let me tell you the tale of the Glue and Oregano incident. Prepare yourself, this tale is so preposterous, i have trouble believing it actually happened. Without further ado...
June, 2003. It´s my birthday and i´m celebrating it at my then girlfriend (these days she's known as the EX). We are a fresh couple, "newly wed" if you will. She gazes with her blue eyes in to mine and smiles "I have something for you, now it's just a little something. So..." She doesn't finish her sentence and the air electrifies as she walks off. I'm full of expectation. What could it be?
I start fantasizing, Maybe she'll come back wearing sexy lingerie or better yet, nothing! No, no scratch that, we aren't on that level yet. Maybe she'll come back with a couple of tickets to Spain or France! Then again why would she do that? We don't know each other that long. I tell myself to aim lower. I hear a lot of stumbling coming from her room. Wow, she really must have a big box for me or something. Then I hear a lot of noise coming from the kitchen.
Perhaps, she bought me a couple of DVD's. Yeah, that's it, she knows i love movies. Or perhaps a few graphic novels, or at the very least one. The Dark Knight Strikes again, Superman: Red son maybe, Oh, i know, Something Star Wars. She knows I'm George Lucas' whore.
Suddenly i feel ashamed. What's with me? Why am i so materialistic? It's the thought that counts. I'm glad she took the time to get me a little sumfin'. She loves me, that's what counts.
Then she enters the room. Her hands behind her back. Her face is flushed as she slowly walks towards me. She sits down next to me and puts her arm around me. "I didn't have time to gift wrap it, it's a little thing but..." She pauses and then hands me my gift. "Tadaaa" She says.
At first I don't know what to think of it. I examine the box, shake it and even smell it. The little plastic packet included speaks for it self. It says Oregano. The box seems to be A Bison Kit glue set. "Glue and Oregano!" I say with a forced smile. Very proudly she says "Yeah, i know you love pasta, so i figured you could use some oregano for your sauce" At this point confusion reigns. "Yes, yes, i love Pasta! I also...uhm, Love to glue stuff!". She hugs me. "Happy birthday sweety". "W-wow, Glue and spice" i say aloud and that was the start of a miserable day and an even more miserable relationship.
That day should have been the sign for me to walk away, instead i stuck around for 3 years only to get dumped on holiday in Germany.
So, my dear dear readers what have we learned from this fiasco? I haven't the foggiest but it makes a great tale. This could be a Twilight Zone episode my friends. The Outer Limits couldn't handle this. After this post i expect a call from Steven Spielberg for an Amazing stories reboot.
Yes, repressed memories are a bitch. But now, that I've shared this perhaps it will wither and die. At the very least i can laugh about it now.
That's it for me for today. Time for me to hit the bed and get some shuteye!
Drink some warm milk with honey if you have it and don't let the bedbugs bite!
Till the next episode of the tragedy of Johnny Madrid!
auf wiedersehen !
4 comments:
Well that's an original idea!! Okay seriously I had to read this to my office. That's pretty funny. I hate it when memories come back to bite you. It drives me nuts!! hehe
Hi Melanie! Haha, yes, keep spreading the word! This is a cautionary tale hehehe. Thanks for stopping by and don't be a stranger. Have a great day! ;-)
How bizarre. That's like she forgot it was your birthday or something and then just grabbed from things she had and didn't want. :/
You hit the nail right on the head Mandy. I think it went down, exactly like that!
Thanks for the comments! Have a great day ;)
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