This is how I disappeared…
So, I’ve quit my job. It made me unhappy. Thought I had it made. Finally, some time to work on my 3D and some live action projects. At first I was doing pretty good. I was cranking out 3D renders like there was no tomorrow. Here and there I kept bumping in to old classmates in various states of happiness and successfulness. They kept asking me that dreaded question and a nasty dark feeling started to creep up on me.
June 2010. Yet again, another short movie project fails. I kept being confronted with the success of my mates and old classmates while my own life is on a stand still. It starts messing with my mind. I’m blocked, I can’t even 3D model anymore. Due to some renovation to the house, my Internet gets cut off. It’s disconnected. At the same time my state of mind starts to disconnect too. My summer sucked by the way.
Miss Bellis Star (The one on the left), calls me up one sunny, monday morning. A colleague of hers, who’s in the audio/visual business needed a camera. Since I have one of those High definition thingies , I was the guy to go to. He was even willing to rent the camera! Well since I was broke I thought what the hell. A little extra cash never hurt anyone.
I get there at her workplace, waiting for the guy, greeted with very unopened arms by her co-workers by the way and then it happens. He walks in. This “audio/visual specialist” is an old classmate of mine! We shake hands, he flashes his pretty boy grin and I’m beginning to feel sick. Now, don’t get me wrong I have nothing against the guy but if he’s the “audio/visual specialist” why did he keep asking me how to light, frame and shoot certain shots, what camera best to use etc.
While I’m helping him and explaining, I get the distinct feeling I’m God’s own personal sit-com. He basically has the job I want but he actually didn’t know too much about A/V stuff. That was a slap in the face. Then he asks me the dreaded question. Every one that is jobless knows what I'm talking about. "What do you do now?" Of course i tell him the truth...I felt like a bum.
I leave that place feeling even more like crap than when I arrived. I ended up NOT getting paid cause the guy decided to rent another camera. I advised him to do so.
So, I get home. I sit in silence and before you could say “Jim Morrison” I was having a nervous breakdown. Thus began my decline in to a Gollum-like state.
That, my readers, is a tale for another time though. I have to leave now. I have to steel my nerves for tomorrow. Yes, I’m having salsa dance lessons. At this point I’m feeling like Richard Gere. Wish me luck!
Put on some Africa Bambaataa and have some fun! Till the next chapter of the tragedy of Johnny Madrid!
9 comments:
Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Have you looked around for any short film competitions? That you may be able to earn yourself some film credit with.i.e if you win the competition.
Good Luck and I hope something good happens soon.
Hey, Jarmara, thanks for the nice words.
It's going a little better now. I guess I'm ready to deal with that whole period. Film competition? You know that's not a bad idea. I'm going to have to look in to that. Thanks for the inspiration! :)
Glad I can help :-) anytime you need to chat you know where to find me.
Hi Johnny (or Tim),
I do feel your pain. I was forced to quit my first job because of mismanagement. While I was happy with my job back then, the management’s decisions made me and my co-workers unhappy. After quitting, I’ve been jobless for a few months. I felt really sorry for myself, to tell you the truth. Good things and bad things did happen to me after that, but thinking about it now, I do not regret the bad things that happened to me, ever. They actually made me stronger. I do hope things will turn out fine for you. God does not give you these challenges if you can’t handle them. By the way, I like how you write.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
@Jarmara:
Aw, that's so sweet. It's good to know people care. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
@Johanna:
These are trying times indeed. But i won't let them keep me down. It's good to hear you overcame your troubles. That strengthens me. Thank you for the comment and come back soon :)
You sound at least like you're in a somewhat happy place, which is good. Coming out of the dark and all that. :) I hope it keeps getting better!
Thank you for your concern Mandy. It really means a lot to me, getting all these nice comments. Things are getting better. Slowly but surely, i will get back on my feet. Don't be a stranger. Have a great day :)
Well, here's to the good times. This post is mighty special. Didn't want to say this but let this year be a break from 'fucked up'.
Good times indeed comrade. It's time to get the gang back together for some beers and good 'ol fashioned laughs. We all need a break from the debacle of 2010.
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